30 minutes a day !!!

Kites are so beautiful ..whenever I look at the kites I feel like they are struggling for their freedom but tied by a thread which is controlled by someone ...it cant go its own ways ..the person who controls it is as if having the right to decide its ways ..but its also a fact that the kite cant fly without the thread as it wants to fly like a bird but it's not having its wings ..well today evening when I reached my terrace I saw kites in the sky more than birds ..it seemed like kite festival is going on ..just imagine how beautiful it looks when different colors ..red, yellow, green, purple, blue, vermillion, orange and so may other colors are floating in the sky .. sometimes I feel that may be such appearance of the sky must have drove its beloved to fall in love with him ..must have drove her crazy in his love ..may be ! well .. I felt for that very moment that why this vision cant be a companion for a creature always ? why we all are attracted to people who hurt us ? why we always miss people who can just create complications in our life or always discourage us ? why ? why after knowing all these known things only another creature gives us pleasure ? why do we always miss them ?.. think about them..think that " Is he/she missing us ?" we cant we live our life with beautiful visions ..beautiful thinking .. traveling.. ?? Is anybody having answers for it ? It always happens that whenever my mobile rings ..even I am in a beautiful moment ..I rush towards it and think ,Is he/she calling me ? and when I see its nothing but a customer care call .. I feel bad .. I feel that someone could have called me ..asked about me ..asked about what I am doing or would say I miss you darling ..It happens only for 30 minutes a day but creates lots of disturbance ..as if something roll downs my heart ..I cant breathe properly.
Do I need a person only for the sake of those 30 minutes except the persons who are not my relatives ? well .... ...... a boy ?? but only for 30 minutes ??? isn't it the strangest thing someone could ever say ??
looking at the beautiful .. kite-full sky is more beautiful than being someone's darling for a while .. but still being someone's darling for 30 minutes gives us an extraordinary pleasure ? 

only me

Its what I always think that what can be a better companion than solitude..I am 16 now and sometimes remember the days when I was six ,if anything floats in my eyes ..then that is so many rooms and me walking from one room to another with open hair by wearing a frock ..I used to feel bad ,feel very bad because there used to be nobody in my house except me and my mom ..my dad usually used to stay outside for work ,I remember I always used to see outside my house that if anybody's coming or not ..especially in the evening time when I never felt like studying ..never even felt like looking at my books. I remember when my father used to come back I always decided in my mind "this is the last time ,now I am never going to let him go anywhere" but this decision never ever worked out as it was impossible and illogical for a man to stay at home for her daughter's entertainment leaving his work .

Today circumstances and I am not that very girl of six who never coped with solitude ..now she is a girl who's companion is solitude ..her hatred turned her companion forever ..she is today soaked away in solitude ..she is complicated ..she cannot make friends ..she isn't so social today

And honestly speaking ,it never hurts me now ..not anymore ,neither I consider such character of mine as a disgusting fate ..never . I always try to maintain that my complications are not being an inconvenience to anybody's perfect existence . I know nobody likes such complicated nature and I never deny it or claim that I am a very interesting kind of  person  ..a person like me deserves ignorance due to such complicated activities .
Today there is not any moment I feel that studies are the most horrible matters in this whole universe as I used to think when I was six, today its what I am always involved in studies and feel like gaining more concentration and patients to it ,so many things are changed except the existence of solitude ..only I use to dislike it earlier and now I don't have any complains about it.
I always try to be creative now because I feel if there is any creativity inside me then that would help me to breathe from the core of my heart not just for my survival.. as I feel writing all these stuff is making me feel that I am doing something creative except to tolerating people whom I don't really like .
well writing ,sleeping and studying in a proper way only gives me pleasures nowadays instead of those chocolates and ice-creams I loved like my wildest dream once.
well, many say ,never live in past ..move on ..but I never moved on as I never want to ..if I move on I will die in this presence !   

whats me !

Well , evening is so pretty , a little light of day left and a cup of coffee on my terrace , a fiction book in my hand ,thinking of December and the orange sky , as if the sun has been melted all over the vault , lovely kites of various colors ,solitude , writings and me ,what else ? Well no one can see anything else except it. Literature, a subject, I always loved since childhood, deeply trying to understand it in teenage                                   and hope to stay with it forever. It’s so strange, happiness is just like a dot in the circle of life but still all of us run after this even till the end of the life, that’s called human nature. I see so many people around myself , none of them could ever be my friend , I am a good friend for them but they aren’t  mine, well , I always try to hide this from them. I am knowing myself , it’s true that I am a prisoner of solitude and it won’t release me ever, I have realized today and even in my future I will always be like this and it won’t be changed. I am addicted to be alone and dream of my solitary byway. Sometimes I wonder what gives me pleasure and the answer was only my pen and the blank sheet where I could fill up my words and sometimes I feel getting absorbed in it, I wish to be soaked forever in it and never come out ever. I recently realized I was born in winter and I love winter and I am a November born and I am glad it’s the month of winter, Christmas is one of my favorite festival because it’s in December and feel like spending it in a very gorgeous place.

I am a literature girl, I am completely absorbed in it, and when it comes to something mechanical, I don’t remember anything! The polar express is my favorite movie because I see the world as the very way this movie is. I dream to count the how many stars are there in the sky, dream to hold the water in hands, dream to fly without wings, seems impossible, right? Staying in my world gives me pleasure like a bird in her nest.

If ever I think about my aim, then generally so-called matters comes in mind, but I am a traveler, the traveler of the extreme solitary byway which is endless, which would be only applicable for me and no one else would be there, there is no place for anyone else except the birds, the trees, the winter, the solitude and my lovely white flowers.

I pray to god ,if ever there is a second life ,make me literature lover as I am today ,to make me the traveler of the solitary ways !