only me

Its what I always think that what can be a better companion than solitude..I am 16 now and sometimes remember the days when I was six ,if anything floats in my eyes ..then that is so many rooms and me walking from one room to another with open hair by wearing a frock ..I used to feel bad ,feel very bad because there used to be nobody in my house except me and my mom ..my dad usually used to stay outside for work ,I remember I always used to see outside my house that if anybody's coming or not ..especially in the evening time when I never felt like studying ..never even felt like looking at my books. I remember when my father used to come back I always decided in my mind "this is the last time ,now I am never going to let him go anywhere" but this decision never ever worked out as it was impossible and illogical for a man to stay at home for her daughter's entertainment leaving his work .

Today circumstances and I am not that very girl of six who never coped with solitude ..now she is a girl who's companion is solitude ..her hatred turned her companion forever ..she is today soaked away in solitude ..she is complicated ..she cannot make friends ..she isn't so social today

And honestly speaking ,it never hurts me now ..not anymore ,neither I consider such character of mine as a disgusting fate ..never . I always try to maintain that my complications are not being an inconvenience to anybody's perfect existence . I know nobody likes such complicated nature and I never deny it or claim that I am a very interesting kind of  person  ..a person like me deserves ignorance due to such complicated activities .
Today there is not any moment I feel that studies are the most horrible matters in this whole universe as I used to think when I was six, today its what I am always involved in studies and feel like gaining more concentration and patients to it ,so many things are changed except the existence of solitude ..only I use to dislike it earlier and now I don't have any complains about it.
I always try to be creative now because I feel if there is any creativity inside me then that would help me to breathe from the core of my heart not just for my survival.. as I feel writing all these stuff is making me feel that I am doing something creative except to tolerating people whom I don't really like .
well writing ,sleeping and studying in a proper way only gives me pleasures nowadays instead of those chocolates and ice-creams I loved like my wildest dream once.
well, many say ,never live in past ..move on ..but I never moved on as I never want to ..if I move on I will die in this presence !