30 minutes a day !!!

Kites are so beautiful ..whenever I look at the kites I feel like they are struggling for their freedom but tied by a thread which is controlled by someone ...it cant go its own ways ..the person who controls it is as if having the right to decide its ways ..but its also a fact that the kite cant fly without the thread as it wants to fly like a bird but it's not having its wings ..well today evening when I reached my terrace I saw kites in the sky more than birds ..it seemed like kite festival is going on ..just imagine how beautiful it looks when different colors ..red, yellow, green, purple, blue, vermillion, orange and so may other colors are floating in the sky .. sometimes I feel that may be such appearance of the sky must have drove its beloved to fall in love with him ..must have drove her crazy in his love ..may be ! well .. I felt for that very moment that why this vision cant be a companion for a creature always ? why we all are attracted to people who hurt us ? why we always miss people who can just create complications in our life or always discourage us ? why ? why after knowing all these known things only another creature gives us pleasure ? why do we always miss them ?.. think about them..think that " Is he/she missing us ?" we cant we live our life with beautiful visions ..beautiful thinking .. traveling.. ?? Is anybody having answers for it ? It always happens that whenever my mobile rings ..even I am in a beautiful moment ..I rush towards it and think ,Is he/she calling me ? and when I see its nothing but a customer care call .. I feel bad .. I feel that someone could have called me ..asked about me ..asked about what I am doing or would say I miss you darling ..It happens only for 30 minutes a day but creates lots of disturbance ..as if something roll downs my heart ..I cant breathe properly.
Do I need a person only for the sake of those 30 minutes except the persons who are not my relatives ? well .... ...... a boy ?? but only for 30 minutes ??? isn't it the strangest thing someone could ever say ??
looking at the beautiful .. kite-full sky is more beautiful than being someone's darling for a while .. but still being someone's darling for 30 minutes gives us an extraordinary pleasure ? 

only me

Its what I always think that what can be a better companion than solitude..I am 16 now and sometimes remember the days when I was six ,if anything floats in my eyes ..then that is so many rooms and me walking from one room to another with open hair by wearing a frock ..I used to feel bad ,feel very bad because there used to be nobody in my house except me and my mom ..my dad usually used to stay outside for work ,I remember I always used to see outside my house that if anybody's coming or not ..especially in the evening time when I never felt like studying ..never even felt like looking at my books. I remember when my father used to come back I always decided in my mind "this is the last time ,now I am never going to let him go anywhere" but this decision never ever worked out as it was impossible and illogical for a man to stay at home for her daughter's entertainment leaving his work .

Today circumstances and I am not that very girl of six who never coped with solitude ..now she is a girl who's companion is solitude ..her hatred turned her companion forever ..she is today soaked away in solitude ..she is complicated ..she cannot make friends ..she isn't so social today

And honestly speaking ,it never hurts me now ..not anymore ,neither I consider such character of mine as a disgusting fate ..never . I always try to maintain that my complications are not being an inconvenience to anybody's perfect existence . I know nobody likes such complicated nature and I never deny it or claim that I am a very interesting kind of  person  ..a person like me deserves ignorance due to such complicated activities .
Today there is not any moment I feel that studies are the most horrible matters in this whole universe as I used to think when I was six, today its what I am always involved in studies and feel like gaining more concentration and patients to it ,so many things are changed except the existence of solitude ..only I use to dislike it earlier and now I don't have any complains about it.
I always try to be creative now because I feel if there is any creativity inside me then that would help me to breathe from the core of my heart not just for my survival.. as I feel writing all these stuff is making me feel that I am doing something creative except to tolerating people whom I don't really like .
well writing ,sleeping and studying in a proper way only gives me pleasures nowadays instead of those chocolates and ice-creams I loved like my wildest dream once.
well, many say ,never live in past ..move on ..but I never moved on as I never want to ..if I move on I will die in this presence !